OPTED Magazine

Material possessions mean something different at all stages of our lives.  Some possessions evoke a memory and others a perceived necessity.  But at many of our life stages the concepts of “need” and “want” take on different meanings as we begin to evaluate the growing volume of material objects that we collect.

Clutter in our homes is a direct result of the amount of items we let into our lives. We grow attached to belongings either by nostalgia from the memory they bring, or a dependence on something we previously could have lived without.  Cell phones and other technologies are a good example.  As we age and our roles and commitments are altered, new possessions become ingrained in our way of life.  Admittedly it would be difficult, if not impossible, to imagine my life now without a telephone and computer!

As we evalauate all our possessions and long for a decluttered environment, it becomes more and more difficult to part with our belongings.  Let me explain by giving a description, although simplified, of how this thinking changes through different life stages.

Stage: Childhood

As a child, we are dependent on our family to provide shelter, food and water to survive.  With each year, we acquire possessions such as clothing and toys that fill storage spaces.  A shared space with a cot expands to a bedroom with furniture to store these new things.  At birthdays and holidays we’re given gifts and the amount of clutter begins to grow.

Recall your childhood for a moment.  I remember as a child quickly losing interest in my toys and sometimes forgetting I had them when the next latest and greatest toy came along.  My parents could have removed 90% of my toys from the house as other ones came in and I wouldn’t have known the difference!  With a fleeting childhood, possessions are quickly discarded, outgrown and abandoned easily without a second thought.

If only that mentality could be maintained in a reasonable way for the later stages of life!  As a child our spending and acquisition of items is (in most cases) controlled by parents and by the reality that we did not have an income.  Clutter was limited by only the rate at which outgrown toys and clothing could be donated, sold or passed along to another in need.  Our attachments were few and it wouldn’t be until later that old toys and playthings were now held on to and put in storage for that “one day when we could look back at the toys we owned.”

Stage: Teenage Years

With maturity came mall trips to clothe ourselves in the newsest fashion trends at every season to impress our classmates and friends.  Complicating this susceptibility to peer pressure and materialism were growth spurts that meant clothing items were outgrown faster than we could wear them out.  Recalling my own addiction to the “items of the moment” I’m horrified at the staggering financial cost of this period in my life!

And these days, cell phones, laptops, CD players, video game systems and even cars are commonplace for today’s teenagers.  In some cases schools and hectic family schedules necessitate a cell phone for communication.  Or do they?

The problem with the “teenage years” is that young adults often adopt spending habits mimicing the example set by their parents.  If owning a cell phone is “accepted practice” without exploring alternate communication strategies, the idea is ingrained that owning a possession is the solution to a problem.  And this example is one of many.  Material possessions become perceived necessity and the clutter begins to grow.

Stage: Post-college twenty-somethings

When you’re young and single, it’s easy to walk away.  Many young adults spend 4 or 5 years in college living in small dorm rooms or apartments and coming home for the summer, living a transient lifestyle with very few possessions.  Filling up a small car for the ride home after the spring semester is an easy task.  Furnished dorms and apartments are easily swapped for another dwelling without the burden of furniture.  Add to that situation a limitation of funds, and material possessions are relatively controlled.

Entering the job market often means frequent job hopping, even city hopping, and jettisoning inexpensive furniture on the curb or using Craiglist when life quickly changes direction makes it easy to walk away from material things.  Is it always this easy to walk away from things?

Stage: Marriage and family life

Long term relationships bring a new world of situations for material possessions.  A partnership and combining of living spaces brings a merging of “stuff” along with squabbles and compromises about the best way to consolidate and streamline the doubling of objects in a (likely) small first home.  As the relationship grows, so does the clutter.  Appliances, decor, books and DVD’s, big expenditures on more permanent furniture sets and of course, mementos of the relationship all begin to gather in clusters in the living space.

If children are born, the “childhood stage” described above kicks in and a new set of possessions for new family members enter the mix.  Possessions like car seats, strollers, a crib and toys are now necessity for the children and begin to take up space.

As the years pass, the clutter grows.  The overwhelming stream of toys, gadgets, clothing and decor become difficult to manage as family obligations and careers limit the time necessary to tend to the possessions around us.  Our stuff falls into disrepair and things we purchased are quickly forgotten when new purchases are made.

Stage: The Golden Years

The kids have left the house and after decades of marriage, possessions in the house reflect years of family life with many possessions taking on a memory.  These memories attached to physical objects tug at our hearts and make it difficult to part with our possessions.  A glance around one room could provide hours of reminiscing: the chair the kids jumped on, the rug the family dog loved, or the homemade candles from a weekend vacation to the countryside 20 years ago.

Parting with possessions is no longer an easy task when discarding an object is perceived as discarding a memory.  Objects with an attached history may not have started out as a “need” but now hold more importance.  Storage units and attics sit crammed with boxes of memories, some untouched for years.  And the unfortunate consequence of the passing of life transfers the clutter to family members who are burdened with the difficult decision about whether material objects are clutter or family treasures to hold on to.

These observations about clutter and the role of material possessions are not new, but the examination of phases of life and how possessions change in meaning is an important observation that informs our relationship to clutter.

I won’t pretend that letting go of possessions, and our dependence on them, is an easy task, because it’s not.  But with a little time and energy we can challenge ourselves to evaluate the “need” and “want” for the things we own.  In many cases a digital photo of an object can satisfy our desire to hold on to a memory attached to an object and in other cases, parting with objects for the sake of achieving a serene, decluttered environment will be a challenge, but rewarding in the end.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about your journey with your possessions and if any of these life stage descriptions hit the nail on the head!

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